missing you

Missing you is hard, and honestly, slightly inconvenient. And by slightly, I mean incredibly so. Because it is not just when I am alone in the quiet. It is when I am grocery shopping in a hurry because I have somewhere to be and the checkout girl has green eyes. BAM! There you are, but hers are not my favorite shade of green like yours are. Missing you is not simply when I am drunk and up late. It is in the early morning, as I get ready for work and one of the many songs that remind me of you comes on. I let it play so that just for a minute, you are not so far away.
Missing you is complicated, and entirely unfair. More often than not, you are the first person I want to tell when something wild happens. Truthfully, There is much that happens that I would only be able to tell you. Each others secret keepers, now to keep them to ourselves.
Missing you is frustrating and sometimes; or rather all the time, quite maddening. Because I know that I always will. I can only hope that I will get use to it. That it will not always bring me to silence, taking all my willpower not to message you. Asking you to meet me somewhere because I just want to see you again. Hoping that today you like me enough to agree. For you to embrace me in a way I can feel how much you love me.
Missing you is complete vulnerability. When I check my phone after hours away, I cannot help but hope that I have a message from you. That moment of warmth before you inevitably break my heart again. It is almost worth it, just to know you are thinking of me as well. That comfort in knowing that I am also with you, always.
Missing you is my weakness, just as you have always been. This is when the late nights come in. Every once in a while I will lay there and let you completely take over. You are either holding me in your arms, kissing me softly or touching in a way that makes me know you are craving me. You smell like safety, and as familiar as I am with it – it takes no effort to imagine it.
Missing you is exhausting, because we were never meant to say goodbye. It won’t pass, the world is against us parting ways. I will miss you always, and try as I may; you will always find your way into my thoughts. Connection and something with our souls – it does not make sense. And yet, It has always made sense. Something we were lucky to have – because it is so rare that the world gives us a person to love this much.
This is titled “missing you,” but I know I won’t always have to miss you. We will find our way, as we always do – We are meant to be together. It’s you and I, babe. We are a promise. You’re my promise.

2 thoughts on “missing you

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